Sunday, February 10, 2008

Is it nine years, already?

Nine years ago, I lost my sister, Cara. It’s hard to believe it’s only been nine years, but still it’s hard to believe it has been nine years. Times are, I think it was just yesterday; other times, it feels like a hundred years ago.

Not that I think of her every day, but not a week goes by that I don’t think of her and miss her. Then the ache feels fresh and raw.

So, nine years ago, I got a phone call from my father, in the hospital with Cara; we drove out faster than Norm has ever driven, with me pushing the car to go faster, faster, faster! I spent the last hours of her life holding her hand and talking to her, even though she couldn’t answer me back. But I know she heard me. But then she left.

Cara does come to me in dreams, occasionally and she is always smiling and laughing. Sometimes in my dreams, I know she is dead and sometimes she has come back to life but is living a secluded life and we have to go visit her. The last time she visited me, it was just before Candy and I went to the folks to help them move. Cara had a message for me to tell everyone but like a dummy, I didn’t write it down when I woke up and so I couldn’t remember it.

However, when all of us were together for the first supper in the folk’s new apartment, Mom mentioned Cara was missing, I could assure her that Cara WAS with us – we just couldn’t see her!

I have lost my sister, my friend, my mentor, my guide in life. Cara was, first of all, a little sister, then a friend. After adulthood, Cara became wiser than me and began guiding and mentoring me on a new road through life. How did a little sister become so wise?

Cara was clever, wise, witty, and downright funny. She made me laugh, she made me think, she made me do things I didn’t WANT to do. She left a hole in my heart, a hole in the family. I want her BACK!! I miss her so much!

Nine years is too long to be separated!



Kati said...

Wow.... It seems as you've got warm memories of Cara to sustain you, but yes.... 9 years is a long time to be without a friend under such circumstances. (((((HUGS)))))

There's an award waiting for you at my blog.

Candy Duell said...

I am sorry for the loss of your sister. You keep her alive in your blog and show us the love you have for her in your words. Hugs!

Moonbeam said...

Your blog expemplifies the phrase When someone you love becomes a memory that memory becomes a treasure!
I agree that she is with you always, her physical self is gone but her spirit lives on!

Manerva said...

Yes, 9 years is too long and I can't imagine!It seems unfair, yet death teaches us to look for them in other things in life and gives us ways to keep them close to our hearts.

Thanks for the comment today; my whole family feels like you do and going into this I thought things would be that way too.

Next weekend sounds wonderful!

Sonia said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your lovely sister, Connie! I have tears on my eyes... What a beautiful words you wrote... I am without words... Many hugs to you.

happyowl said...

Sorry this is late Connie. It was a beautiful post just as you and Candy and Cara are all beautiful!



happyowl said...

Sorry this is late Connie. It was a beautiful post just as you and Candy and Cara are all beautiful!