Friday, December 01, 2006


The other day’s post from Tammie got me thinking in the wee hours of the morning (when I wake up around 4 or 5, I have trouble getting back to sleep but know it’s not worth getting up that early, so I have time to think – and yes, I DO think, once in a while!).

One of my unknown truths – to some people, others know this – is that I have trouble making and keeping friends. I think it all comes from the constant moving we did when I was a child. My dad was in the Air Force and we moved no less than every 3 years, and sometimes every year. I was shy to start with and weird to end with and not many children wanted to be friends.

Plus, as I mentioned, I wanted to be a boy, so I played boy games and played with boys. My best friends, until I was in Junior High, were boys. As I got older, I was forced to play with my brother’s friends … two years younger than I. By “play,” I mean it in the innocent way (so stop your sniggering!). Robin Hood, Tarzan, Cowboys and Indians … that kind of play! The boys my age were becoming interested in girls as “girls” and not in playing Robin Hood with them out in the woods.

Every time we moved, I lost what friends I had made and had to make new friends in the new place. This problem continued into high school and then into college. Although I stayed in the same college for 4 years, making friends were difficult, keeping them even more so. I was always considered weird because I didn’t wear makeup, wasn’t really interested in boys, although I dated, and was more interested in reading than learning to be friends.

After marriage, my friendships didn’t last long, either … we moved to Australia and our friends there went by the wayside when we moved home. Then when home, we had to re-make friends as the friends we had when we left had changed, as had we, so we had nothing in common.

I did not make "true" (at least what I consider "true") friends until I started working at Historic Murphy’s Landing and found people that are "my kind" of people and are as weird as I am! I have made and kept many of them and treasure them in my heart.

I have made two lasting friends, however, in the many years past.

The first is my sister-in-law-in-law …. Norm’s brother, Darrell’s, wife, Mavis. We became friends when Norm and I were just dating and she predicted our marriage. That was 41 years ago. We have raised children together, sympathized about husbands and how alike they are and how to survive their weirdness …I treasure this friendship. She knows and understands how I feel and why I do what I do.

Another friend is Nancy – I met her when I was teaching through a spinning guild that a gal and I formed – “Spinners, Etc.” … Nancy has taught me to make sugar eggs and I taught her how to spin. Well, we’ve taught each other many things. She was the one who helped me chose my first (and, unfortunately, last) milk cow. We’ve been friends now for nearly 30 years. She knows my feelings and my weird ways and accepts them.

So, what is a friend? To me, a friend is someone who not only accepts me as I am, but is willing to allow me to do the weird things I do and not criticize. She does not hold anger if I mistakenly make her angry, but is willing to forgive me. She is willing to stick with me through thick and thin.

Those who have been my friends are special. Those new ones who have become my friends through the wonders of the Internet are special, as well. We may not have met face-to-face, but we have connected through emails, chats and phone calls. I hope someday to meet each and every friend in person some day. But until that time, I will treasure the new along with the old.

There is a Girl Scout song I learned as a child and still love: “Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver but the other is gold.”

You have a beautiful day with "true" friends by your side.


happyowl said...

Make new friends but keep the old, one is sliver the other is gold. A ring is round, it has no end, that's how long I want to be your friend!

I cherishe your "wierdness" but I guess I'm just as wierd because I never noticed it. Not only are you a fountain of wisdom, you have a great sense of humour and make me giggle all the time.

I too, moved a lot as a child, I wish I could say my parents were military but my dad just had problems with substance abuse. In grade 4 alone, I was in three different schools in two different cities. I sometimes wonder how I ever passed school....

Oh Well, I think I'm going to try and call you. Hope your home

Brightest blessings


Grandma Rosie said...

Connie, I have always had a similar problem. Caused by the same set of circumstances! We moved around so much it was hard to make friends. I always knew we would just move again in a few months. After marrying my first husband that only got worse. He would move us often to keep people from knowing how he treated us. I do cherish our internet friendship. Maybe someday we can meet. HUGS!

Morning Sunshine said...

my kids have been singing that song for the past week - that and their version of _I'm Proud to be an American,_ to which they add "I won't forget the men who died a long time ago who gave that right...." I don't get it :P

anyway, we never moved, and I had a hard time with friends too. I guess I have always been different, and content in that, and the fact that I wouldn't go along with them in whatever they did if I didn't really want to, well, the other kids don't do well with rebels. I also think my dad, who said I was not allowed to play with children not my age, had something to do with it. it has taken me a long time to start feeling comfortable with women not in my "age-grade." thank you dad and public school. I have made a number of good friends since I found others like me, but unfortunatly, most live on the east coast, so I almost never see any of them.

most people still don't get me. and that includes my family. oh well. I have me, my dh now, and my forever friend, The Lord.

Kati said...

LOL My mom used to sing the "Make new friends" song to us as a kid when we & a best friend were fighting. I've also never been very good at making friends. Spent the first several years as a sickly military brat in private schools before finally "settling down" in 5th grade, then it took me almost 2 more years to make any real friends, most of whom lasted almost all the way through HS (most of them were also "outcasts" due to various "wierdness" factors). Now, I'm back in a position where my only friends are online or coworkers (and sometimes I wonder if they would still tolerate me if we didn't work together). It's not that I'm not a friendly type person, but there's the whole "accepting my wierdness" thing, and my seeming inability to actually go DO something with said friends.

I think you're a fantastic friend!

Carla Lynne said...

You know Grandma~ this goes beyond friends. You have opened your heart~ with all of it's love, joy, smiles, caring, and even your weirdness :), to this gal who has been cast aside so many times the bruises don't show anymore.

You have never judged me, never stopped sharing yourself with me. And I LOVE YOU for that. You adopted me and made me yours. And I LOVE YOU for that. You call me because you don't see me post or get an email from me. And I LOVE YOU for that!

I love you. You are my friend. You are my Grandma. You are part of my family... And I hope someday soon we can meet each other in person and exchange our hugs, kisses, tears, and yes, a bit of our weirdness may rub off on each other! :)

Love you,
Carla Lynne